DM 104 Newsletter

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DM 104 Newsletter

DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL

Date : 10/20/2025 Duedate: 11/01/2025

DARKHOLM ARENA

DM 104 TURN 931

RANK TEAMS W L K % RANK TEAMS W L K %
1 THE JERKS 10/1451 103 66 1 60.9 BB SIDE MIRROR 72/1516
FLOWER CHILDREN 7/60 BASH BROS CONDO 72/1513
2 FARSCAPE 10/1469 56 36 0 60.9 BASH BROS TRASH 72/1532
3 LIVING DEAD 29/1406 1321 1050 10 55.7 BB ITALIAN FOOD 72/1539
WIZARDS OF AHS 97/1472 NEXT GENERATION 18/1150
4 NINJAS 7/1107 163 161 1 50.3 BASH BROS DIAPER 72/1500
THE WARRIORS 10/111 BASH BROS GOLFER 72/1482
FROM THE FACE 18/1213 BASH BROS JACKET 72/1525
5 BUSH 7/1433 262 298 3 46.8 BASH BROS SHEETS 72/1514
PITCH PERFECT 1/1419 BASH BROS SPOUSE 72/1530
YOU DON'T SAY 5/1428 BASHAHOLICS ANON 59/1489
6 THE BAD SEED 6/1466 30 37 0 44.8 BASH BROS BROTHER 72/1520
7 CASTAWAYS 7/199 932 1187 10 44.0 BASH BROS COLLEGE 72/1497
SKAITHVARN 51/235 BASH BROS WALKING 72/1538
HIGHLANDERS 42/1341 BASH BROS BASEBALL 72/1496
8 THE BLOODGUAR 4/348 65 86 2 43.0 BASH BROS BATHROOM 54/1488
9 CEREAL 72/1491 1107 1816 13 37.9 BASH BROS BUS STOP 72/1485
VEGGIES 3/1227 BASH BROS MANAGER9 72/1524
SHEPHERDS 18/432 BASH BROS MARRIAGE 72/1505
BASH BROS GAS 72/1515 BASH BROS ROADSIDE 72/1499
BASH BROS SEX 72/1531 BASH BROS FIREPLACE 72/1508
BB AUTOMOBILE 72/1526 BASH BROS HARD DISK 72/1522
BB FLASHLIGHT 72/1529 BASH BROS SUPERBOWL 72/1536
BASH BROS BABY 39/1487 10 AUTHORS 21/749 1874 3160 29 37.2
BASH BROS BEER 72/1511 JUST BECAUSE 38/1151
BASH BROS MEAT 72/1535 11 LANCIARII 6/1555 55 104 0 34.6
BASH BROS NEWS 72/1510 12 AB-NORMALS 2/1439 90 200 1 31.0
BASH BROS SNOW 72/1518 CATASTROPHIES 3/1552
BB CHICK FLICK 72/1506

WARRIOR SPOTLIGHT

Mission to Green Valley Gate, Chapter One

"It don't look too promising," Rabid Moose commented, and spat into the surf.

"This is the outside," Vengeance told him. "There's supposed to be an inside, in the
crater of the volcano. Supposed to be nicer."

The five men gazed up at the jagged slope above the small cove, where a few buildings
clung to a beach. Beyond and above them, a road led to what looked like the mouth of
a lighted cave. As the ship glided into the harbor, more details became visible,
including the sight of men and women unloading crates full of fish, and then the they
saw a wide one-story building with a bright red sign over the door. A warm breeze
from the island brought a scent of green growing things, and the odor of dead fish.
And a slight hint of rotten eggs.

"Monster!" said Teddy Brewster, pointing. "A two-headed dog!"

The four other gladiators peered at the shore. "Huh," Teetotaler grunted. "You'd
think something like that'd be wild and dangerous, but a couple of kids are petting
it."

"Canid Mortalis," Tortured Trout offered. Tallish and thin, he had long, red-dyed hair
pulled into a braid down his back, and a long, scraggly brown beard. "You find them
around chaos gates sometimes, the chaotic energy mutates them. Their bite is
poisonous because they eat plants containing aconite. Not all of their pups are born
alive, but supposedly the aconite stabilizes the mutations. I never heard of them
being tame, though." He pressed his lips together. He was a mage but he had no
healing ability. They did have a few healing potions, but that was all. He didn't
know how to treat aconite poisoning.

As their small ship, the Lazy Daisy, pulled up to the dock, Rabid Moose kept watching
the kids with the dog, but Vengeance and his lieutenant, Teetotaler, began sending
sailors to the hold to get the team's luggage.

The land sloped up from the docks into a crescent of rocky ground packed with
buildings that faced the water, and two other tiers of buildings above the dockside
ones. The wide building in the lowest row, the one with the big red sign, turned out
to be a tavern. The script looked foreign, but under the words was a picture of a
tankard of ale.

Two men and a woman, all of them brawny, came down the dock leading light pony carts
with net sides. The ship's captain called down to them to take the gladiators'
luggage first. Then he came over to the five men at the rail and said, "Welcome to
Herring. It's been a pleasure having you all ride with us. There be monsters in the
sea, and we liked knowing that you would fight them if it come to that. And you been
real polite, too. Good luck with your mission. We'll come by again in a couple weeks,
if you're still here by then and need a ride back to Alastari. Same low price."

Once on shore, the five men followed their luggage carts uphill, on a switchback road,
to the cave opening. A warm breeze came out of it, smelling of green crops and rotten
eggs, but not of fish.

"What are these light?" Teetotaler asked, stopping to gaze at one of the lamps in the
cave walls. "That's a bright, steady light."

"It's a flammable gas that comes out of the ground," answered Tortured Trout. "I've
read about it. That's the rotten egg smell, you know. Swamp gas. They've found a way
to bottle it and use it. Very clever folks, here."

Teetotaler frowned. "Wouldn't that be dangerous?"

"Oh, it is. But the occasional explosion isn't a high price for all the convenience.
I hope they have this kind of lighting at our hotel. It's excellent for reading. I
wonder if I can buy a few bottles of the stuff to use with my spells."

Marduk grimaced. He seldom spoke, but now he said, "Wasn't someone supposed to meet
us here? Someone magical?" He glanced at the Trout. "Besides you I mean."

"He'll probably be at the hotel," Vengeance told him. "I was told he came here ahead
of us, to make preparations."

The cave was a tunnel through the volcano's wall. As they emerged from the other end
of it, they found themselves at the top tier of a the town of Coldbridge, which
marched down the south side of the volcanic cauldron. Beyond the town, a lush
patchword of pastures and planted fields lay beneath a layer of soft mist.

Their inn, the Green Valley Host, was two tiers down, but just before the five men
could follow their luggage into the inn yard, a scream echoed down the street. There
was a warbling snarl. They saw a pair of teenagers trying to fight off a giant six-
legged, armored thing wielding a short sword and a weighted net.

"CHAAAARRRGE!" Teddy Brewster roared, racing toward the fight. Vengeance, Teetotaler,
Rabid Moose, and Marduk caught up with him, their weapons drawn. Only Tortured Trout
held back a little, still walking toward the fight, his lips and hands moving as he
prepared a spell.

The boy fell to the street, bleeding from the chest and abdomen, and the girl slashed
at the monster with a big knife. Her blade broke against the thing's armor, or
armored hide, as the rescuers arrived.

* * * * * * * *

Mission to Green Valley, Chapter Two

Teddy Brewster's headlong charge made him the first to reach the young girl being
attacked by the armored... thing. But Vengeance was right behind him to back him up,
or bail him out of trouble if needed. The weapon Teddy wielded was not the official
equipment of any gladiator in Greywand's arenas. It was long, curved and heavy like a
scimitar but with a wickedly hooked tip, made of a blue-tinted metal. The hilt was
two-handed, wrapped in leather, ending in a heavy lead club. As he reached the
monster he pivoted and kicked, landing the steel toe of his boot between two of its
six limbs, apparently attacking ribs. There was a loud thud, and the creature
grunted, interrupting its low-pitched warble. The teenaged girl tried to pull away
from the monster, but its first pair of limbs tightened the clawed fingers imbedded in
her shoulders and she screamed in pain. Following up with a mighty swing of his
weapon, the gladiator struck the creature's side, the blade cutting into the armor,
his arms feeling the powerful impact, but with no sign of blood or other fluids.
Whatever the thing was made of, it was tough.

At least it was distracted; it let go of the girl, and Vengeance pulled her away. She
stumbled back, her tanned face pale, eyes wide. The shoulders of her shirt were red
with much too much blood.

"Get them to safety!" Vengeance grated. Marduk bent and picked up the unconscious,
bleeding boy. Rabid Moose, not too swift on the uptake, realized he should get the
girl into the hotel. Teetotaler loomed near as the teenagers were carried toward the
building. As Teetotaler and Vengeance set themselves on opposite sides of the alien
creature, Tortured Trout called out, "Get back! Incoming!"

Vengeanced and Teetotaler each took a step back. A bright light streaked from the
Trout's hands to the six-legged creature, making it glow for a moment. It screamed.
Then the glow faded. The creature shuddered and uttered a strange chortling sound,
then pivoted on its rear four legs and lunged at Vengeance.

"Oops," said Tortured Trout. "Sorry boss. New spell, needs work."

Although he met it with the point of his blade in the alien's abdominal armor,
Vengeance staggered back from the heavy impact and felt its claws in his chest.
Teetotaler barrelled into the thing from the side, knocking it away from his boss,
plunging his spear into its body. This time, with Teetotaler's considerable mass
behind it, the blade penetrated the armor and sank a good eight inches into the
thing's body. It shrieked, a quavering sound that hurt everyone's ears.

"Get back!" said the Trout. "Lightning!"

They knew this spell worked, so Vengeance and Teetotaler backed up. Vengeance's blade
came free; Teetotaler's remained stuck, but he let go of it. They ducked their heads
and covered their eyes. There was a sharp ozone smell as the lightning hit. All
three gladiators felt a jolt up through the ground, making their feet and legs tingle,
but they all knew from bitter experience to keep their sphincters tight.

With a hoarse and fading scream, the alien fell to the pavement. Its charred body
broke into smoking chunks. It smelled a bit like roasted meat, but not something that
might be edible.

"Good one, Trout," Vengeance gasped, shaking the tingles out of his body. He looked
down at the remains of his bloody shirt. "Damn. This doesn't rate a healing potion,
I think. Stitches and bandages, yeah?"

"They must have a medic around here," Teetotaler said. He offered his shoulder to
Vengeance, who slung an arm over him.

As they helped Vengeance into the hotel, Marduk and Teddy Brewster came to meet them.
"Let that be a lesson to the monsters," Brewster said. Marduk added, "We have a
healer. This way."

They led the combatants into a meeting room off the lobby. Though he was in pain,
Vengeance noticed a small humanoid tending to the two teenagers, who lay on a pair of
leather couches, already bandaged. The room smelled of something herbal.

Marduk said, "Orv, these are Tortured Trout, Teetotaler, and our boss, Vengeance." He
looked at Vengeance. "This is Orv, sent by Lady Greywand to help us."

Orv, who seemed rather like a human child of about eight years, nodded gravely at
Vengeance. "Please sit. I have made poultices and a healing tea. Those creatures,
the Kharack, have unclean claws that leave infections." Its voice was light, but
could be either male or female.

"What else can you tell us about them?" Vengeance asked, dropping into a leather
armchair.

"From what I have learned, they are a peaceful race, but the ones here are not at all
peaceful. They hate everything that is not their kind."

"Then why didn't they stay where they came from?"

The little being shrugged, as he (or she) helped Vengeance to remove his tattered
shirt. "Hatred is uncooperative."

REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

Hullo hullo!

There were 56 fight in Darkholm Arena this turn -- few enough that they were all
squeezed into one day, today. Eight were challenge fights, but no Tournament Victor
ones. Two fighters died. Lanciarii avoided The Bloodguard.

Borrows Money was the most challenged. AERYN SUN (10-4268) (79-35-0,225) of
FARSCAPE challenged BORROWS MONEY (72-8055) (59-39-1,219) of BASH BROS BROTHER. AERYN
SUN was handily defeated by BORROWS MONEY in a 1 minute Challenge match. Nice.
Borrows Money is our ranking Parry-Lunge.
The Shewish Giant accounted for both deaths today. Here's the first one: NOT
THE REAL THING (72-7762) (41-56-1,179) of BASH BROS BEER fought SHEWISH GIANT (104-25)
(0-0-0,181). NOT THE REAL THING was executed by SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute one-sided
fight.
And the second: NOT THE REAL THING (72-7762) (41-56-1,179) of BASH BROS BEER
fought SHEWISH GIANT (104-25) (0-0-0,181). NOT THE REAL THING was executed by SHEWISH
GIANT in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
Another stand-in, but she didn't get a kill. JOB (18-6129) (164-296-0,197) of
SHEPHERDS fought SOLACIA (104-24) (68-32-0,225). JOB was overpowered by SOLACIA in a
crowd pleasing 3 minute gory mismatched brawl. And Job remains our overall popularity
leader.
CLICHE (72-7533) (37-14-1,194) of BB CHICK FLICK fought 2 + 2 = 4 (38-4190) (84-
300-2,156) of JUST BECAUSE. CLICHE savagely defeated 2 + 2 = 4 in a popular 4 minute
gruesome fight. Cliche was voted this turn's favorite fighter.
NOT ASSUR (72-8574) (22-13-2,10) of BASH BROS MANAGER9 fought BOOKIE'S GUARD
(104-5) (35-18-0,75). NOT ASSUR was vanquished by BOOKIE'S GUARD in a 1 minute one-
sided bout. Hmm. Not Assur was the least popular today.
This was a good fight. ARUGULA (3-7180) (164-91-3,219) of VEGGIES fought NIGHT
STALKER (29-262) (122-120-3,208) of LIVING DEAD. ARUGULA was defeated by NIGHT
STALKER in an exciting 1 minute match. Night Stalker got 43 points for this.
For this fight, Snoring lost 36 points. SNORING (72-10127) (37-38-3,169) of BASH
BROS SPOUSE fought PANDARAMADINGDONG (2-6768) (28-29-2,108) of AB-NORMALS. SNORING
was viciously subdued by PANDARAMADINGDONG in a crowd pleasing 2 minute match.
This was a brave challenge. SHOCKING TOAD (7-310) (76-89-1,204) of NINJAS
challenged EXTRA BEST THERMOS (10-5444) (35-9-1,260) of THE JERKS. SHOCKING TOAD
slimly lost to EXTRA BEST THERMOS in a 4 minute Challenge match. I hope he got a lot
of skills. And he did get one recognition point. Extra Best Thermos is the highest
ranked Parry-Strike, and got 8 points.
Aim Hhigh, and don't throw a hissy fit when you fall. TEENY TUCKER (42-5511)
(23-16-0,96) of BETTER BLUES challenged EMPTY TANK (72-8997) (27-38-1,137) of BB
AUTOMOBILE. TEENY TUCKER was overpowered by EMPTY TANK in a 1 minute one-sided
Challenge fight. No hissy fit.
Considering the difference in experience, this was a vairly even challenge.
ISHINOMORI (7-5390) (47-26-1,204) of NINJAS challenged 8 AM CLASS (72-6621) (122-114-
0,191) of BASH BROS COLLEGE. ISHINOMORI was defeated by 8 AM CLASS in an action
packed 3 minute Challenge melee.

And now, the rest of the stylemasters

JAKUCHU ITO (7-5102) (61-20-1,357) of NINJAS challenged RAISTLIN MAJERE (97-8374)
(70-36-6,240) of WIZARDS OF AHS. JAKUCHU ITO devastated RAISTLIN MAJERE in a 1 minute
Challenge Title contest. So Jakuchu Ito remains the top Lunger and the Tower
Guardian.
The stand-in team was very much in evidence in Darkholm today. HIGHER POWER (59-
3119) (84-60-1,235) of BASHAHOLICS ANON fought SHADOWMANE (104-28) (0-0-0,200).
HIGHER POWER slimly won victory over SHADOWMANE in a crowd pleasing 5 minute conflict.
The triumphant Higher Power is our top-ranked Wall of Steel.
Dantallion is still our top Parry-Riposte. RIPPED (72-9875) (80-37-1,191) of
BASH BROS SHEETS fought DANTALLION (4-2028) (47-40-2,205) of THE BLOODGUARD. RIPPED
was overpowered by DANTALLION in an exciting 1 minute gory one-sided fight.
SCHARV (51-1209) (128-137-0,208) of SKAITHVARN fought NEED A FIX (59-3141) (41-
33-2,199) of BASHAHOLICS ANON. SCHARV overpowered NEED A FIX in a popular 2 minute
one-sided match. Scharv is currently the best Total Parry.
CULUBRA (10-235) (67-94-0,209) of THE WARRIORS challenged RECOVERY SETBACK (59-
3017) (80-134-2,211) of BASHAHOLICS ANON. CULUBRA was bested by RECOVERY SETBACK in
an action packed 1 minute Challenge brawl. Recovery Setback is now the top Basher.
NEEDLE BOY (6-7631) (51-42-0,203) of THE BAD SEEDS fought JOEY (18-10339) (94-
121-1,196) of SHEPHERDS. NEEDLE BOY was overpowered by JOEY in a 1 minute one-sided
match. Joey is now our highest ranked Aimed Blow.
And our old favorite author, Patricia Cornwell, is back as the top-ranked
Slasher. PATRICIA CORNWELL (21-3909) (123-144-2,197) of AUTHORS fought GAOL (5-5891)
(63-78-2,201) of YOU DON'T SAY. PATRICIA CORNWELL vanquished GAOL in an action packed
1 minute one-sided match.

That, my friends, is all I can tell you about the fights today. Have a thrilling two
weeks. Cheerio!

-- Malic of Talcama

KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102 LU 62 20 1 387 NINJAS (1107) BONSUR

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
EXTRA BEST THERM 10-5444 PS 36 9 1 268 THE JERKS (1451) KOLACT
BORROWS MONEY 72-8055 PL 60 39 1 252 BASH BROS BROTHER (1520) DRAGONHEAD
NIGHT STALKER 29-262 LU 123 120 3 251 LIVING DEAD (1406) LAPUR
TUM 18-7380 LU 54 27 2 246 FROM THE FACE (1213) TALCAMA
HIGHER POWER 59-3119 WS 85 60 1 243 BASHAHOLICS ANON (1489) ILLIS
DANTALLION 4-2028 PR 48 40 2 236 THE BLOODGUARD (348) JHELUM
CUP O'PIZZA 10-5397 PS 112 50 0 235 THE JERKS (1451) KOLACT
SCHARV 51-1209 TP 129 137 0 225 SKAITHVARN (235) TRICORUS
PRISCILLA 18-10653 LU 52 16 1 224 SHEPHERDS (432) TALCAMA
RECOVERY SETBACK 59-3017 BA 81 134 2 217 BASHAHOLICS ANON (1489) ILLIS
-DANGEROUS TOYS 39-4100 AB 67 51 1 216 BASH BROS BABY (1487) XOCHITHLAN
8 AM CLASS 72-6621 BA 123 114 0 215 BASH BROS COLLEGE (1497) DRAGONHEAD
JOEY 18-10339 AB 95 121 1 213 SHEPHERDS (432) TALCAMA
NOSY NEIGHBOR 72-7827 AB 84 33 1 213 BASH BROS CONDO (1513) DRAGONHEAD
-2 YEAR CONTRACT 72-6552 TP 45 20 2 213 BB SMART PHONE (1494) DRAGONHEAD
MINSTREL 4-2505 LU 41 30 4 213 THE BLOODGUARD (348) JHELUM

GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
PATRICIA CORNWEL 21-3909 SL 124 144 2 210 AUTHORS (749) SUNSET
BAD MEDIA 72-8127 WS 45 31 0 210 BASH BROS HARD DISK (1522) DRAGONHEAD
BILLY BLANKS 1-9375 AB 110 80 0 207 PITCH PERFECT (1419) MORDANT
SHOCKING TOAD 7-310 PS 76 90 1 205 NINJAS (1107) BONSUR
JACOB 10-233 LU 74 94 3 205 THE WARRIORS (111) KOLACT
COUNSELOR OBVIOU 18-10133 LU 65 31 2 205 NEXT GENERATION (1150) TALCAMA
REPETITIVE 72-7684 BA 86 82 1 204 BASH BROS NEWS (1510) DRAGONHEAD
ADABEMIS & B 42-1671 WS 671 75 149 0 204 HIGHLANDERS (1341) RODEKI
SENSATIONALIZED 72-7683 PL 71 32 0 203 BASH BROS NEWS (1510) DRAGONHEAD
BONE BENDER 2-6633 AB 46 49 0 202 AB-NORMALS (1439) NIANIA
RAISTLIN MAJERE 97-8374 AB 70 37 6 201 WIZARDS OF AHS (1472) SHADOW GROVE
JOB 18-6129 AB 164 297 0 198 SHEPHERDS (432) TALCAMA
GREEN BEAN 3-6419 BA 79 44 2 198 VEGGIES (1227) OSKSI
-WARNING BELLS 72-8011 WS 43 29 2 197 BASH BROS NEW CAR (1517) DRAGONHEAD
ARUGULA 3-7180 PL 164 92 3 196 VEGGIES (1227) OSKSI
CULUBRA 10-235 SL 67 95 0 196 THE WARRIORS (111) KOLACT
CLICHE 72-7533 AB 38 14 1 196 BB CHICK FLICK (1506) DRAGONHEAD
AERYN SUN 10-4268 PL 79 36 0 195 FARSCAPE (1469) KOLACT
ISHINOMORI 7-5390 SL 47 27 1 195 NINJAS (1107) BONSUR
-EMPTY 72-7269 AB 32 10 1 195 BASH BROS WALLET (1504) DRAGONHEAD
KHEFRAS 7-1930 TP 79 158 0 194 CASTAWAYS (199) BONSUR
RACHAEL 18-11003 AB 40 83 1 194 SHEPHERDS (432) TALCAMA
EVERYTHING ZEN 7-6959 AB 58 60 0 193 BUSH (1433) BONSUR
IN THE WASHER 72-7833 AB 36 10 0 192 BASH BROS SHEETS (1514) DRAGONHEAD
ALEMBIC 4-1925 PS 36 52 1 191 THE BLOODGUARD (348) JHELUM
-CRAWL SPACE 72-6525 TP 58 58 0 190 BASH BROS CRICKET (1492) DRAGONHEAD
NEED A FIX 59-3141 WS 41 34 2 189 BASHAHOLICS ANON (1489) ILLIS
GAOL 5-5891 SL 63 79 2 188 YOU DON'T SAY (1428) KALTOS
NEEDLE BOY 6-7631 LU 51 43 0 188 THE BAD SEEDS (1466) TRANSEL
RIPPED 72-9875 SL 80 38 1 185 BASH BROS SHEETS (1514) DRAGONHEAD
RETCH 7-241 PR 65 72 1 185 FLOWER CHILDREN (60) BONSUR
ROAD KILL 72-8272 SL 71 31 1 182 BASH BROS ROADSIDE (1499) DRAGONHEAD

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
SHIFTED 72-7941 PL 101 46 0 180 BB SIDE MIRROR (1516) DRAGONHEAD
4 HOUR GAMES 72-6579 PS 98 41 0 180 BASH BROS BASEBALL (1496) DRAGONHEAD
BREWTALITY 2-6610 AB 39 67 1 180 AB-NORMALS (1439) NIANIA
TURNED OFF 72-7887 PL 58 43 0 179 BASH BROS GAS (1515) DRAGONHEAD
-SPECIES 3.141592 18-7512 WS 33 36 1 179 NEXT GENERATION (1150) TALCAMA
DROOL BABY 39-4243 BA 43 80 0 177 BASH BROS BABY (1487) XOCHITHLAN
SHOPPING CART 72-6836 WS 64 79 2 175 BASH BROS ROADSIDE (1499) DRAGONHEAD

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
MELTING FLOOD 72-8016 PL 81 30 1 173 BASH BROS SNOW (1518) DRAGONHEAD
NOT THE REAL THI 72-7762 WS 41 57 1 170 BASH BROS BEER (1511) DRAGONHEAD
2 + 2 = 4 38-4190 TP 84 301 2 168 JUST BECAUSE (1151) CLIFFHOME
KWAI CHANG 2-6528 AB 67 70 2 167 AB-NORMALS (1439) NIANIA
SNEEZING PANDA 2-6539 AB 45 90 2 167 AB-NORMALS (1439) NIANIA
-FORMS 72-7540 AB 30 5 0 160 BASH BROS DMV (1507) DRAGONHEAD
E COLI 72-10673 BA 51 62 1 157 BASH BROS MEAT (1535) DRAGONHEAD

GRAND ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
PANDARAMADINGDON 2-6768 LU 29 29 2 147 AB-NORMALS (1439) NIANIA
YAR!!! 18-10792 TP 50 22 0 146 NEXT GENERATION (1150) TALCAMA
EMPTY TANK 72-8997 BA 28 38 1 144 BB AUTOMOBILE (1526) DRAGONHEAD
TAX PENALTY 72-7311 BA 70 82 2 135 BASH BROS MARRIAGE (1505) DRAGONHEAD
SNORING 72-10127 BA 37 39 3 133 BASH BROS SPOUSE (1530) DRAGONHEAD
FULL AND HEAVY 72-6861 BA 56 79 1 126 BASH BROS DIAPER (1500) DRAGONHEAD
-TOILET SEAT 72-10126 BA 36 36 1 119 BASH BROS SPOUSE (1530) DRAGONHEAD

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
CAN'T CLOSE MOUT 72-7772 PL 29 18 0 100 BASH BROS GOLFER (1482) DRAGONHEAD
TEENY TUCKER 42-5511 LU 23 17 0 96 BETTER BLUES (1553) RODEKI
CLOTHES ON FLOOR 72-10130 WS 39 18 0 92 BASH BROS SPOUSE (1530) DRAGONHEAD

GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
OUT OF TP 54-3258 BA 23 19 2 82 BASH BROS BATHROOM (1488) TROCAR *
NO BATTERIES 72-10121 WS 47 66 0 77 BB FLASHLIGHT (1529) DRAGONHEAD
OBLIGATORY 72-10137 BA 33 38 0 76 BASH BROS SEX (1531) DRAGONHEAD
CRYING TIGER 2-6566 AB 38 80 0 74 AB-NORMALS (1439) NIANIA
FALLEN TOWEL RAC 54-3319 BA 31 82 0 69 BASH BROS BATHROOM (1488) TROCAR *
-PETS 72-11376 AB 29 11 0 68 BASH BROS QUARANTINE (1540)DRAGONHEAD
KNOCKED OVER 72-10147 WS 28 18 2 62 BASH BROS TRASH (1532) DRAGONHEAD
-NAG 72-10128 TP 26 25 1 61 BASH BROS SPOUSE (1530) DRAGONHEAD *
HALFTIME SHOW 72-10722 AB 22 6 0 59 BASH BROS SUPERBOWL (1536) DRAGONHEAD
-CROOKED 72-8138 AB 24 14 0 54 BASH BROS TEETH (1483) DRAGONHEAD
WHEATIES 72-5900 TP 21 8 0 50 CEREAL (1491) DRAGONHEAD *
-FAKE SMILE 72-7352 BA 15 4 0 49 BASH BROS PHOTO (1558) DRAGONHEAD
BAD SHOES 72-10882 WS 26 16 0 48 BASH BROS WALKING (1538) DRAGONHEAD
BAD ADS 72-10723 SL 27 22 0 47 BASH BROS SUPERBOWL (1536) DRAGONHEAD
CATATTACK! 3-8495 LU 20 20 0 45 CATASTROPHIES (1552) OSKSI
DIRTY GROUT 54-3438 WS 22 24 1 41 BASH BROS BATHROOM (1488) TROCAR
CLEANING 72-7588 LU 18 11 1 40 BASH BROS FIREPLACE (1508) DRAGONHEAD
FORGOT IT 72-8910 BA 20 36 1 38 BASH BROS JACKET (1525) DRAGONHEAD
-UNCOMFORTABLE 72-8046 LU 22 10 1 37 BASH BROS CHAIR (1519) DRAGONHEAD
-BOOBY TRAP 72-7700 AB 26 14 1 31 DISARM (1484) DRAGONHEAD
-UNCOMFORTABLE 72-9131 LU 19 9 0 28 BASH BROS FEELINGS (1527) DRAGONHEAD
SCARY DUDE 72-10528 WS 27 23 2 26 BASH BROS BUS STOP (1485) DRAGONHEAD
-AT YOUR OWN RISK 72-7598 AB 16 13 0 22 BB SCOTT BORAS (1509) DRAGONHEAD
NOT ASSUR 72-8574 AB 22 14 2 21 BASH BROS MANAGER9 (1524) DRAGONHEAD
-UGLY 72-10118 PS 22 22 0 9 BASH BROS SWEATER (1528) DRAGONHEAD
BAD SERVICE 72-10967 WS 23 21 0 8 BB ITALIAN FOOD (1539) DRAGONHEAD

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN
NOT THE REAL THIN 72-7762 41 57 1 BASH BROS BEER 1511 SHEWISH GIANT 931
SHIFTED 72-7941 101 46 0 BB SIDE MIRROR 1516 SHEWISH GIANT 931

PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Nice to see a little activity in the ads, thank you. It would be extra nice to stop
seeing statements such as "8 AM Class can no longer train CONSTITUTION in this arena."
The saddest and most disgusting part of this, I saw the EXACT SAME MESSAGE ON turns
922 (4 MONTHS AGO) when Culubra beat his ass and again on turn 928, when Culubra beat

his ass for the second time. Ishinomori chewed him up this week. I think I'll keep
picking on this sorry toon as his manager doesn't seem to care. -- Shocking Toad
(Manager)

Raistlin Majere -- Well fought! A little birdie told me you are a BYO out of blood
games. Tough to beat that as your record shows. Let's see how my friend, Jakuchu Ito
does. -- Shocking Toad (Warrior)

LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

TUM devastated GREEN BEAN in a action packed 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
AERYN SUN was handily defeated by BORROWS MONEY in a 1 minute Challenge match.
JAKUCHU ITO devastated RAISTLIN MAJERE in a 1 minute Challenge Title contest.
CULUBRA was bested by RECOVERY SETBACK in a action packed 1 minute Challenge brawl.
SHOCKING TOAD slimly lost to EXTRA BEST THERMOS in a 4 minute Challenge match.
ISHINOMORI was defeated by 8 AM CLASS in a action packed 3 minute Challenge melee.
JACOB vanquished RETCH in a action packed 4 minute gruesome one-sided Challenge duel.
TEENY TUCKER was overpowered by EMPTY TANK in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
ARUGULA was defeated by NIGHT STALKER in a exciting 1 minute match.
HIGHER POWER slimly won victory over SHADOWMANE in a crowd pleasing 5 minute conflict.
BILLY BLANKS subdued BREWTALITY in a 2 minute brawl.
KHEFRAS was beaten by COUNSELOR OBVIOUS in a crowd pleasing 1 minute conflict.
CUP O'PIZZA overpowered 4 HOUR GAMES in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
EVERYTHING ZEN was bested by REPETITIVE in a action packed 1 minute duel.
JOB was overpowered by SOLACIA in a crowd pleasing 3 minute gory mismatched brawl.
NEEDLE BOY was overpowered by JOEY in a 1 minute one-sided match.
PRISCILLA overpowered DECCIOUS in a crowd pleasing 2 minute one-sided match.
RACHAEL was devastated by DIRK CHOLERA in a 2 minute gory one-sided contest.
PATRICIA CORNWELL vanquished GAOL in a action packed 1 minute one-sided match.
ADABEMIS & BALMADOR vanquished KWAI CHANG in a 2 minute mismatched fray.
SCHARV overpowered NEED A FIX in a popular 2 minute one-sided match.
SNEEZING PANDA lost to DROOL BABY in a popular 1 minute match.
BONE BENDER vanquished E COLI in a exciting 1 minute gruesome one-sided fight.
MINSTREL beat ROAD KILL in a action packed 2 minute duel.
SHOPPING CART was overpowered by SHEWISH GIANT in a 2 minute one-sided fray.
CLICHE savagely defeated 2 + 2 = 4 in a popular 4 minute gruesome fight.
ALEMBIC was handily defeated by SENSATIONALIZED in a 5 minute one-sided fight.
RIPPED was overpowered by DANTALLION in a exciting 1 minute gory one-sided fight.
NOSY NEIGHBOR viciously subdued LOCAL CONSTABLE in a crowd pleasing 2 minute match.
BAD MEDIA was overpowered by FERD THE TOWER in a exciting 1 minute one-sided struggle.
TURNED OFF was overpowered by SHADOWMANE in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fray.
SHIFTED was murdered by SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
MELTING FLOOD vanquished ROXILIAN in a action packed 1 minute one-sided bout.
IN THE WASHER overpowered LOCAL CONSTABLE in a 1 minute one-sided competition.
NOT THE REAL THING was executed by SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
SNORING was viciously subdued by PANDARAMADINGDONG in a crowd pleasing 2 minute match.
YAR!!! handily defeated KHALHUMS DWARF in a exciting 4 minute bloody mismatched fight.
FULL AND HEAVY was viciously subdued by OLD SAILMAKER in a exciting 3 minute conflict.
TAX PENALTY was overpowered by DESIREE in a action packed 1 minute one-sided battle.
CAN'T CLOSE MOUTH was overpowered by DESIREE in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
CLOTHES ON FLOOR won victory over DEBBY TONTE in a 2 minute match.
CLEANING was subdued by DRUNKEN FISHERMAN in a exciting 4 minute brutal conflict.
CATATTACK! was demolished by OBLIGATORY in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided fight.
NO BATTERIES devastated COCKY SPECTATOR in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
BAD SERVICE was devastated by COCKY SPECTATOR in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
BAD SHOES was viciously subdued by DRUNKEN FISHERMAN in a exciting 3 minute match.
WHEATIES was viciously subdued by DRUNKEN FISHERMAN in a popular 6 minute bout.
DIRTY GROUT bested INKEEPER'S SON in a 1 minute fight.
BAD ADS overpowered INKEEPER'S SON in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
CRYING TIGER devastated FORGOT IT in a popular 1 minute gruesome one-sided bout.
FALLEN TOWEL RACK luckily beat BOOKIE'S GUARD in a exciting 1 minute bloody conflict.
HALFTIME SHOW beat DEBBY TONTE in a popular 1 minute struggle.
OUT OF TP overpowered BOOKIE'S GUARD in a action packed 1 minute one-sided brawl.
NOT ASSUR was vanquished by BOOKIE'S GUARD in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
SCARY DUDE defeated INKEEPER'S SON in a 2 minute fight.
KNOCKED OVER was viciously subdued by BOOKIE'S GUARD in a exciting 1 minute duel.

BATTLE REPORT

MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW 16 STRIKING ATTACK 3 - 1 - 0 75 |
|BASHING ATTACK 14 PARRY-LUNGE 47 - 33 - 0 59 |
|WALL OF STEEL 14 LUNGING ATTACK 62 - 55 - 0 53 |
|LUNGING ATTACK 13 PARRY-RIPOSTE 11 - 10 - 0 52 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 8 WALL OF STEEL 72 - 69 - 0 51 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 7 TOTAL PARRY 24 - 26 - 0 48 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 5 PARRY-STRIKE 21 - 23 - 0 48 |
|TOTAL PARRY 5 BASHING ATTACK 68 - 85 - 1 44 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 SLASHING ATTACK 29 - 42 - 1 41 |
|STRIKING ATTACK 0 AIMED BLOW 63 - 97 - 0 39 |

Turn 931 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:

LUNGING ATTACK 8 - 5 WALL OF STEEL 6 - 8 4 LUNGING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK 8 - 6 PARRY-STRIKE 2 - 3 2 PARRY-STRIKE
AIMED BLOW 8 - 8 TOTAL PARRY 2 - 3 1 PARRY-LUNGE
PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 - 1 PARRY-LUNGE 3 - 5 1 WALL OF STEEL
SLASHING ATTACK 2 - 5 1 PARRY-RIPOSTE
STRIKING ATTACK 0 - 0 1 TOTAL PARRY
1 BASHING ATTACK

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
LUNGING ATTACK JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102 62 20 1 387 NINJAS (1107)
PARRY-STRIKE EXTRA BEST THERMO 10-5444 36 9 1 268 THE JERKS (1451)
PARRY-LUNGE BORROWS MONEY 72-8055 60 39 1 252 BASH BROS BROTHER (1520)
WALL OF STEEL HIGHER POWER 59-3119 85 60 1 243 BASHAHOLICS ANON (1489)
PARRY-RIPOSTE DANTALLION 4-2028 48 40 2 236 THE BLOODGUARD (348)
TOTAL PARRY SCHARV 51-1209 129 137 0 225 SKAITHVARN (235)
BASHING ATTACK RECOVERY SETBACK 59-3017 81 134 2 217 BASHAHOLICS ANON (1489)
AIMED BLOW JOEY 18-10339 95 121 1 213 SHEPHERDS (432)
SLASHING ATTACK PATRICIA CORNWELL 21-3909 124 144 2 210 AUTHORS (749)

The overall popularity leader is JOB 18-6129. The most popular warrior this turn was
CLICHE 72-7533. The ten other most popular fighters were ISHINOMORI 7-5390, SHOCKING
TOAD 7-310, EXTRA BEST THERMOS 10-5444, 8 AM CLASS 72-6621, HIGHER POWER 59-3119,
SENSATIONALIZED 72-7683, PANDARAMADINGDONG 2-6768, TUM 18-7380, JACOB 10-233, and
RETCH 7-241.

The least popular fighter this week was NOT ASSUR 72-8574. The other ten least
popular fighters were ROXILIAN 6-7716, SHIFTED 72-7941, 4 HOUR GAMES 72-6579, KNOCKED
OVER 72-10147, FORGOT IT 72-8910, BAD SERVICE 72-10967, CATATTACK! 3-8495, CAN'T
CLOSE MOUTH 72-7772, TAX PENALTY 72-7311, and NOT THE REAL THING 72-7762.

Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K
MORDANT(1) 1 0 0 KOLACT(10) 3 2 0 RODEKI(42) 1 1 0
NIANIA(2) 3 3 0 TALCAMA(18) 5 2 0 TRICORUS(51) 1 0 0
OSKSI(3) 0 3 0 SUNSET(21) 1 0 0 TROCAR(54) 3 0 0
JHELUM(4) 2 1 0 LAPUR(29) 1 0 0 ILLIS(59) 2 1 0
KALTOS(5) 0 1 0 CLIFFHOME(38) 0 1 0 DRAGONHEAD(72) 15 20 0
TRANSEL(6) 0 3 0 XOCHITHLAN(39) 1 0 0 SHADOW GROVE(97) 0 1 0
BONSUR(7) 1 5 0

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY
BILLY BLANKS 1-9375 110 80 0 207 PITCH PERFECT (1419) MORDANT
BONE BENDER 2-6633 46 49 0 202 AB-NORMALS (1439) NIANIA
GREEN BEAN 3-6419 79 44 2 198 VEGGIES (1227) OSKSI
DANTALLION 4-2028 48 40 2 236 THE BLOODGUARD (348) JHELUM
GAOL 5-5891 63 79 2 188 YOU DON'T SAY (1428) KALTOS
NEEDLE BOY 6-7631 51 43 0 188 THE BAD SEEDS (1466) TRANSEL
JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102 62 20 1 387 NINJAS (1107) BONSUR
EXTRA BEST THERMOS 10-5444 36 9 1 268 THE JERKS (1451) KOLACT
TUM 18-7380 54 27 2 246 FROM THE FACE (1213) TALCAMA
PATRICIA CORNWELL 21-3909 124 144 2 210 AUTHORS (749) SUNSET
NIGHT STALKER 29-262 123 120 3 251 LIVING DEAD (1406) LAPUR
2 + 2 = 4 38-4190 84 301 2 168 JUST BECAUSE (1151) CLIFFHOME
DROOL BABY 39-4243 43 80 0 177 BASH BROS BABY (1487) XOCHITHLAN
ADABEMIS & BALMADO 42-1671 75 149 0 204 HIGHLANDERS (1341) RODEKI
SCHARV 51-1209 129 137 0 225 SKAITHVARN (235) TRICORUS
OUT OF TP 54-3258 23 19 2 82 BASH BROS BATHROOM (1488) TROCAR
HIGHER POWER 59-3119 85 60 1 243 BASHAHOLICS ANON (1489) ILLIS
BORROWS MONEY 72-8055 60 39 1 252 BASH BROS BROTHER (1520) DRAGONHEAD
RAISTLIN MAJERE 97-8374 70 37 6 201 WIZARDS OF AHS (1472) SHADOW GROVE